In three short years, my view and outlook have adjusted from how I approached my early journey with this blog. My thoughts, in many ways, continue to adjust to the new way of living life, but my processing of it has changed. Moving forward, these are my uncultivated reflections of life after Jim. Not necessarily focused on grief and wholeness after suicide loss–but more so on the growth from it. May I come to know that wholeness will forever be both the wonder and the chaos of us all–and that it is good and right as it is~
Second by second, moment by moment…grief and wholeness is about the journey.
My journey is with having experienced the loss of my partner who took his life. It is also about the contemplative reflection of hindsight having shared life with someone struggling deeply with mental illness.
It is and has become one of the most powerful endeavors of living that I have ever encountered.
It seems that grief will at different times and in different ways offer me the opportunity for glimpses into insights of living and dying in which I have no foundation to draw from. I am not always ready to acknowledge or work through those grief opportunities, but I hope that I can grow from its awareness in my life. I realize that grief is really unconditional love opening me to heal from the inside out.
This blog is my way of honoring my grief as I encounter the different venues and retrospect it presents for me in my movement with it. That life can become whole and that grief is not the enemy but truly a friend offering a poignant experience necessary to fully process the loss of my partner, the father of my child, and my closest friend.