~the survivorship of suicide loss-the authentic rendering of a mind in need~

It seems that at any one time, we are all at some constant fluctuating level of a mind in need. We have needs for understanding, needs for acceptance, needs to be loved, needs for companionship, needs for adjustment of who we are now which is different from who we were a moment ago.

In walking with a suicide loss, it seems the mind has a vast need for calm and for restoration amongst the overwhelming thinking, feeling, and processing that occurs from the loss. The mind yearning for the return of its stamina in the search for familiarity of its relationship to self and others–building stamina for its need of being able to remember, for its need of being able to recall, and for its need in creating beyond the simple thought constructs that revert from the coping of a traumatic loss.

With loss, the mind is missing the regularity of the seasonal blooms from that life relationship that once was–it endures the restructure of the missing pieces of itself now that the loved one is on the other side of the looking-glass.  The mind is not looking through or looking beyond or looking within–the mind is just solely looking and deciding what to render–not knowing the pivotal forces that will move its path toward levels of wholeness and levels of fracture as it heals and endures. It takes what life presents to it and builds its endurance from it–sorting with it the new levels of emotions that water the seasonal blooms and allows one to realize it is not a mind in need but the spirit in need. Now that the loved one is passed it is the spiritual need for the re-creation of that circle of completion once again.  

“we are encased in the sacred timing of divinity and wisdom”

It is a spirit visioning of the circle of realization that we are encased in the sacred timing of divinity and wisdom which allows us to begin to find the solace of peace in our universal home of self –deeply treasured within our knowingness of understanding a level of wholeness within the minds need at any one time. And at any one time, stepping outside of our need  and witnessing the present moment of it aiding in our surrender of the loss and life that once was.

In walking with loss, it is authentically walking the maze of the need–the authentic you of the mind being present with the authentic me of the mind.  The presence of me being authentic in my experience–and the experience of living in the mystery of the different level of need of your loved one–realizing that your mind may not ever be able to know or piece together the extent of the fractured need of the ones who have taken their lives.

“authentically walking the maze of the need”

And for that I honor the brave passion of my partner who fought to find his way, authentically walking a maze of thought and existence that was his captivation of action in a question of reality–authentically walking his maze of a mind in a manner my mind could never comprehend. And try as I might, it has been my minds need-my spirit need-to try to understand the complexity from the years of living with a man who had a lifetime of living the mystery that stirred inside him–the chaos of a mind embedded in a mingled trinity of mental illness–the highs and lows and dichotomous stirrings of illusionary tales and wonder that wove the web of his reality within the constructs of our living as a family.

Out of my love and compassion for this man, I have learned in the survivorship of suicide loss, that it takes a faithful daily effort to change any confusion into empowerment, to evolve a new life and to strive for my own sanity after years of unrealized “in-sanity” with him. To disillusion the life of  his living in a world of public hidden mystery and delusion. That this is the mysticism of loving the spirit–being present in truth for the authentic rendering of its journey.  Learning what that is as the numbness thaws from years of misguided truths, and understanding that the mind just needs purposeful rest–that the survivor of a suicide loss just needs the time of compassion and finally, that the survivor justly is their own peace and restoration.

“peace, love, compassion-the trinity of spirit visioning”

If as the survivor, one can find that safe sacred place that supports and cultivates the healing love that penetrates the losses, the fractures, the mending of the perceived needs of wholeness, then possibly one can just be in their current manner and consummate the allowance of deep rest for the mind and for the spirit to mend the fractures within the need to regain the balance of visioning the totality of who they are. Peace, love and compassion–the trinity of spirit visioning and the quiescent tribune for the restful healing of everyone’s mind in need.