~Our enduring nature–in the steadfast echoes of eternal infinity, is the motion of stillness~
It has been a year since my last post. A year since climbing a mountain where my daughter and I brought his ashes home and released them to the wind. I have needed that time–percolating the inwardness, percolating the understanding to endure, percolating deep patience and deep forgiveness–of myself. Continue reading
~Presence, our wholeness as it is — the poetry of living~
When I reflect on my spirituality I think of the lifelong yearning and knowing of spirit moving through me, around me, and within me. I think of the blessings of spiritual traditions and of the benevolence of the beautiful teachers who have bestowed their graciousness towards me when I’ve taken that bold step towards them. I think of all of the miraculous healing in the everyday life surrounding faith. I think of all of the goodness of each and every being–and I do my best to feel it. Continue reading
~the mingled breath of wholeness – the draw of who we are~
Taking that deep breath which moves us to our place of peace and inner stillness, that is the draw of who we are. Breath is the phenomenal brilliance of our origin. It is the radiant sensation of grace that creates the beautiful glow in our existence. It is our generosity, our patience, our tolerance, and our wisdom. Breath is our compassion. It is our loving kindness. It is us. We are our breath, we are our place of peace and inner stillness. We are the draw of who we are. Continue reading
~the survivorship of suicide loss-the authentic rendering of a mind in need~
It seems that at any one time, we are all at some constant fluctuating level of a mind in need. We have needs for understanding, needs for acceptance, needs to be loved, needs for companionship, needs for adjustment of who we are now which is different from who we were a moment ago. Continue reading
~the engagement of suicide loss-comforting its place as the late season blooms~
The police have teams assigned for situations like this. There was the response team for the 911 call, an officer partnered with the local fire chaplain, additional police that seemed to be support persons for the scene, another officer who became the point of contact for the police report, and the medical examiner along with those he brought with him. Continue reading
~the grief of suicide loss-the lifetimes of existence, ever reaching to the hearts of many~
In those first weeks to months after his passing, the word grief became a universal descriptor. As I experienced how tangible his essence was around me–in every part of our home, in every part of my memories, in every part of my questioning–I understood that he was also a part of the existence within the existence of my life. He wasn’t going anywhere and he was absorbed into me immediately. Everything that I was absorbing, everything that I was feeling and everything that I could feel conglomerated into that descripting swirl of grief. Continue reading
~the senses after suicide loss-the silence speaks gently from the heart, caressing the tender soul above~
I could sense him. In my minds eye I could see him…floating above me looking down at his body, looking at me as I was with him in those first moments. His sense of not knowing what to do, his sense of “what have I just done”, his sense of a release of heaviness of self. And finally, his sense of his own sorrow and grief along with a relief from a lifetime of a mind in need. Continue reading
The Muse of Wildflowers 