~O tender heart, with your mosaic, root your wisdom and let it be~
In her beautiful starlit way, she came into the garage and shyly peeked her head around. Her uncertainty, her innocent curiosity, and her amazing bravery are what struck me. This beautiful young fifteen-year-old was ready to beckon the scene of her father’s death, and she was doing so with what only grace could give–moving within the humility of the unknown. Continue reading
“The spreading of ashes – the final return”
On this day, the mountains, lakes, and streams are my Universe. On this day, the sounds of the wind, rain, and even the clouds are my calling prayers in meditation. On this day, the rays of the sun glistening through the aspen are the warming presence in the lofty shadows that follow. And on this day, the prism of the double rainbow streaming across the distant valley is the omnipresence of Spirit in all things. Continue reading
~year one of living after suicide loss-the beauty of love is the eternity of forever~
More now than ever I understand that I will carry this loss and tragedy with me forever–in my memories, in my thoughts, in all the life events past and future, with all of the familiar faces and places–in all of the “what will be’s”–I will carry it with me eternally. This is what I have concretely learned in this first year. Continue reading
~the engagement of suicide loss-comforting its place as the late season blooms~
The police have teams assigned for situations like this. There was the response team for the 911 call, an officer partnered with the local fire chaplain, additional police that seemed to be support persons for the scene, another officer who became the point of contact for the police report, and the medical examiner along with those he brought with him. Continue reading
~the senses after suicide loss-the silence speaks gently from the heart, caressing the tender soul above~
I could sense him. In my minds eye I could see him…floating above me looking down at his body, looking at me as I was with him in those first moments. His sense of not knowing what to do, his sense of “what have I just done”, his sense of a release of heaviness of self. And finally, his sense of his own sorrow and grief along with a relief from a lifetime of a mind in need. Continue reading
~the shock of suicide loss-the new turns numb and the silence within is no longer unknown~
On that first day, in the surrounding moments of finding him–there was this inexplicable inability to comprehend. I called to him, I saw him, I touched him– There was an immediate overwhelming sensation of emotions–and then everything started to go numb. Continue reading
~day one of suicide loss-the day dawns with beautiful flowers and every moment comes anew~
Seven months and twenty-one days ago my morning quickly morphed into a whirlwind of shock and chaos, despondency and disbelief….and numbness-just numbness. In a matter of an hour I became a widow, my child lost a father, and we both experienced a loss as a result of suicide. Continue reading
The Muse of Wildflowers 